WELL, since nothing's been happening since forever...

Have an auto-summary of my NaNo, generated by Word's AutoSummary tool. This is 1% of everything that has happened.

Oh Lord.

"Speeding. "Time?" “Yes, Claire?”

“Hey, Reloj!” “Tomorrow,” Duane murmured, echoing Reloj’s thoughts. Reloj stared, Claire laughed. Reloj asked. Reloj’s compy buzzed at him. Claire asked eagerly.

Reloj glanced at her. Tremont nodded. Reloj wondered out loud. Claire winced slightly. “Claire-“

“Claire!”

“Yes, Reloj?”

"Reloj Baker."

Hello Reloj, I'm Ally."

Reloj's suspicious gaze turned flat. Reloj turned right. “Oh, Reloj! Claire beamed. Claire protested. Tremont nodded. Reloj trailed off. Reloj laughed. Reloj jumped. Tremont suggested.

Claire winced.

Claire smiled.

Tremont stared. “Reloj.”

“Claire.”

Reloj was shaking.

“Tremont?” Reloj’s voice crackled disturbingly.

“Claire, Claire! Reloj laughed. Reloj asked impatiently.

Tremont’s compy dinged. Claire asked, awestruck. Reloj nodded.

Claire inquired. Tremont shrugged. Reloj frowned. “Reloj, my boy! Reloj finally asked.

Reloj blinked. Reloj asked.

Tremont shrugged. Reloj!” Reloj shouted, leaning closer.

Reloj sagged.

Claire frowned. Reloj rolled his eyes. Claire's face was impassive. From Tremont. Reloj asked.

Reloj froze, suddenly cold. Claire blinked. "What?"

I'm Claire."

You're that Claire."

Claire smiled.

"Gee thanks," Reloj muttered. Reloj couldn't help but grin. Reloj jumped.

“Reloj! Reloj did, hesitantly. Claire's eyes opened in wonder. "It's new," Reloj added. Claire laughed. "Hey, Reloj?" "Claire!" Reloj frowned. Claire frowned. Reloj got to it.

"Tremont!" "Ally?" Reloj's eyes widened. "Please don't," Reloj requested. Reloj thought about it. Reloj frowned.

“Ally Blu?” Tremont asked. Reloj asked. Reloj looked over the car extensively. “Reloj,” he said slowly. “Reloj?”

Anime Dating Game

“And we’re on in 3, 2, 1…” Lights flickered to center stage.

“Hi everyone, and welcome to the Anime Dating Game. I’m Lukas S*&^@w in for Jessica D. Jessica wasn’t able to make it tonight due to soccer related injuries so deal with it. In today’s show we have three contestants trying for the heart of this lovely lady. Lets introduce our three contestants. Boy number one!”

Cloud looked up to acknowledge the crowd, “What?!”

“Boy number two!”

“Who are you calling ‘boy,’” said Roy, dusting off his uniform. “Boys don’t partake in games such as these. And this lovely lady will be required to wear, A TINY MINISKIRT!” Roy then ripped a miniskirt out of his jacket pocket and showed it to the audience.

After the applause died down Lukas announced the last contestant. “And lastly boy number 3.”

Jesse stood up, “Is it just me or does it smell like someone farted?” and sat back down.

“And our lovely lady today is Chi.”

Chi gracefully stood up from her chair behind the screen and greeted the audience with a wave of her hand. “Good luck to all three of you today.” Taking her seat Chi asked her first question, “My first question for all of you is, ‘If we were on a date, where would you take me?’”

“Boy number 1.”

“I don’t care. We’d probably take a ride on my motorcycle or on a chocobo, but either way we’d have a good time.”

“Interesting…”

“That’s nothing. I’d cook you a romantic candle lit dinner at my apartment. Some wine, some music by the fire place and I could show you why some women call me ‘the mustang’”

The crowd went wild.

“Intreaging… What about you Contestant number 3?”

“Well, I li”ke to eat, so I would have my girlfriend cook us something to eat before we went to kill some people.”

Everyone gave Jesse a weird look, and Roy broke the silence. “Your girlfriend?”

“I hate life,” Cloud wined pathetically.

“Ok,” Lukas intervened, “next question.”

“This question is also for all three of you. What do you consider to be your best feature?”

“I have a big sword,” said Cloud pointing off stage to the Buster Sword. [O.o Ignore the sexual innuendo]

“My best feature? I couldn’t possibly pick ONE.” Stated Roy arrogantly. “With my stunning hair, great body, charming personality, and such it’s hard to choose just one thing.”

“And Contestant number 3.”

“I like to kill people… and one day, I will become the ruler of this world.”

Everyone in the viewing audience took a step back and Cloud and Roy scooted their chairs away from Jesse’s with haste.

“A sense of humor, I like that in a boy.”

Jesse turned towards the screen, “I wasn’t joking.”

“Look at the time!” intervened Lukas, “last question.”

“Ok, my final question is, ‘Can you dance?’”

‘Beat It’ by Micheal Jackson started to play through the studio’s speakers.

Jesse jumped up, “Can I dance?!” and started to stupidly dance around the stage forgetting that he was on TV.

Roy and Cloud glanced at each other and started to do a perfectly in sync dance to the song, proving their dancing abilities. [don’t ask]

After about 25 seconds of that the music stopped and all the contestants sat down.

“So,” started Roy. “Where did you learn to dance like that?”

Cloud looked down at his feet, “I was, uhh, invited to Neverland Ranch… What about you?”

“How do you think I got the gloves? This isn’t alchemy, its moon walker magic.” And with that Roy struck a pose before sitting down.

“Well I’ve made my choice. And my choice is…” Chi paused for dramatic effect. Everyone held their breath. “Contestant number 3!”

Jesse leapt out of his chair, “YES!”

“Now wait a minute!” said a very pissed off Roy. “I think I deserve a REAL date. Do you know how many yaoi obsessed fangirls are trying to set me up with a certain short blond boy?!”

Jesse then whipped out his DeathNote and was about to write Roy’s name down when Roy kicked him [u know where]. “I’m sick and tired of you killing off everyone but the Fullmetal Shrimp!”

After watching Jesse crumple to the ground Chi ran over to Roy shouting a chorus of ‘thank you,’

“Anything for a lady.”

Another girl entered the stage, “Oh,” said Chi, “I almost forgot. I have a twin.” Roy then put his arms around both girls and made his exit. [Roy’s a womanizer and we all know it]

“What do I care, I have Kaylynn!” shouted Cloud excitedly as he gave a screaming Kaylynn a hug.

“Well that’s it for today’s show, and remember, if you have any suggestions send them to us at sokkercraZ@gmail.com. Good night everybody.”

Getting Funds

A/N: ...OH GOD WHAT?!?! 

The Manwash became a global power-player early in the 21st Century, with Mackenzie and Jessica as the leaders. With amazing 133t ski115 and grace, they kidnapped all sorts of Bishounen from across the many fictional worlds and put them to work, slaving away to wash cars sexily while drooling girls watched in adoration. 

However, they faced many dangers along the way to being a powerful economic party, and this is one such situation...

"OH GOD SHOOT IT!"

"FEED ME!"

"XAN, GET OUT OF THE CHIPS!"

...And that one ended with one rather well-placed vampire-demon baby. You see, to keep most of the Bishounen in line, the girls hired other girls. Like Riza Hawkeye, Rukia Kuchiki, and that chick with big boobs from FF45. Together they faced...

NINJAS.

...No, really, they did. Naruto proved hugely popular. 

But they also faced down Federal Agents and the falling economy. Damn you, Real Estate...

--------

"Ma'am! Ma'am!" Yoko ran through the halls of HQ, balancing a cup of coffee on top of a 'Maquillaje' tray and a stack of pointless books and a folder. The japanese beauty had been hired to keep track of their funds, and if she was running with way too many objects, well, then it was bad. 

Suddenly, everything flew out of her arms and she was pressed against the wall by a crazy blond guy. Then, a handler with a squirt bottle of holy water sprayed him and Sephiroth hissed, backing away. "I'll get you some day..." 

Yoko just flipped him off and yelled things at him in Danish. Don't ask.

She picked up her random things while Jessica appeared randomly behind her, using her magical ninja smoke Sakura gave her in return for an Unlimited pass of Sasuke. "What's crackin', cracka'?"

Yoko was understandably very scared but said that they were running out of money because all their things in banks had been pwned and blah blah blah hey look a chicken.

Kyouya, one of the few men spared from the cars, however, was listening intently. "This is not good." And then, his job done, he dissolved into thin air to go sue the banks and break down people's doors and eat tofu and try to get their money back.

In her office, Mackenzie screamed and cursed and shot Xan again and told the dancing panda bear to get out. Seriously, why did he keep sneaking back in?

...And then the economy decided that the Manwash was amazing and gave them back their money. Because economy = huge and huge = God. Somehow. 

...DON'T QUESTION THE HISTORY BOOKS!

What Happens at Manwash, STAYS at Manwash

WARNING: crack INFESTED, probably makes no sence, not even to KENYANS. This drabble does not protect against SUPER Herpies or anything of that sort... SNAKE EYES!!!

Previously that day Roy had been dragged over in chains, Ed had followed, laughing his ass off, Jesse had been drugged, Austin was being emo, House had come to get out of the clinic, and Cloud had been tricked into coming along with Sephiroth but nothing could have really prepared them for this.

“A manwash?” asked Jesse. “What’s that?”

“Some sort of contest?” questioned Cloud.

“mfffff!!”

“Shut up bastard,” said Ed between laughs. He still couldn’t really believe that the mighty Colonel Mustang had actually been chained up and dragged to this thing by two teenage girls. “Wait a sec a WHAT?”

“Manwash,” interjected House. “A sick idea born in the minds of two extremely deranged teenage girls that spend too much time on the computer.” Everyone looked at the creepy doctor with a weird look, “Basically they need lives.” A chorus of ‘ooh’ rang through the empty lot.

“They don’t actually expect us to stand here all day and wash cars do they?”

“Actually we do,” greeted Jessica, “hello boys…and Cloud.”

“Haha! Cloud you just got told!” said Jesse, trying to sound cool, but then the work began.

It was only thirty minutes into the Manwash when the managers had to step in and make some

cuts on the team.

“I’m sorry to have to do this to you Austin, but you’ve gotta go,”

“Okay.”

“I know that this must be heartbreaking for you Emo Austino, but really only certain people can pull off the emo thing, and honestly you just don’t cut it anymore,” explained Jessica.

“I said okay. I’m fine. Honestly I’m happy that I get to leave,” Austin replied and then left the food stand to join Buzz.

“You,” Mackenzie said pointing to Sephiroth, “You’re fired too.”

“But why? Cloud put you up to this didn’t he? Didn’t he!” he said in a monotone, taking out his sword and threatening to kill the two managers.

To this Mackenzie held up a Barbie doll, rendering him harmless and said, “Well, yes and no. But mainly it’s because you tried to kill everyone that didn’t want their car washed by you, and that’s a problem.”

Sephiroth then, in a very un-Sephiroth like manner, started to cry and left the establishment.

“Mackenzie?”

“Hn?”

“May I do the honors?”

“If you must Jess.”

“HEY BUTTFACE!!”

At this Xander turned around to face the two managers, “ITS XAN!’

“Whatever. YOU’RE FIRED!” Jessica and Mackenzie did a high-five as Xander waddled off and into the street where he got hit by another customer.

The day for the next few minutes passed normally. Roy, House, Cloud, L, and Jesse continued to wash the cars against their will, Ed managed the money at the cash register and snack bar, occasionally laughing at his commrads washing cars and trying to shoo off lingering boy scouts. Mackenzie and Jessica went around making sure everything ran smoothly.

Everything was calm until…

‘Wooh! Take It Off Boy!
Wooh! Take It Off Boy!
Wooh! Wooh! Wooh! Wooh! Wooh!
T-take It Off Boy!!’

Everyone turned in the direction of the blasting music and found Juliet driving up to the manwash in her new Porche convertible. She attempted to jump out of the car but at the last minute her shoe got stuck and she ended up face planting into the concrete, seconds later however she was up muttering a quick “I’m ok” and brushing herself off. Juliet then proceeded to walk around to the back of her car and open the trunk. Once the trunk was open, everyone watched in awe as Lukas jumped out and started to sing along with the song, waving to a few lingering Boy Scouts who then proceeded to run away.

Jessica ran over to Juliet and Lukas and gave each a hug.

“We brought another person for your manwash, and as long as you don’t use him on MY car, you can keep him.” Explained Juliet, Lukas opened up a briefcase and out popped Edward Cullen, sparkling in the morning sun.

“Look at me. I’M DIFFERENT!!” he screamed to everyone that would listen.

“Oh joy. Okay Sparkle-Butt, you stand over there on the corner and try to attract Twilight addicted fangirls to come into the wash, we could use more customers…” thought Jessica.

Suddenly there was a tap on Jessica’s shoulder and Mackenzie told her to turn around and then pointed to a car in the middle of the fray. Juliet stood on top of a car, somehow changed into a bathing suit, a whip in hand, screaming “WASH THESE CARS YOU SEXY BYTCHES!” At this, Jessica promptly fell to the ground laughing while everyone gave her weird looks, but needless to say everyone started to wash the cars.

Over at the snack bar a piece of candy was being stolen [Ed had fallen asleep], and the thief was making their way out of the parking lot when they were hit in the back of the head with a book. “Take that!” screamed Jesse, running up to them stealing the 50 cents out of their pocket that they owed the cashier and then taking the rest of the money and stuffing it into his pocket. The person was then left for dead on the ground.

While Jessica went off to clean up the mess Jesse had made, before the cops could show up, Mackenzie hit him over the head with a toaster and prayed to the gods of Jelly that Jesse would burn in a Jelly-like Hell.

Suddenly, while both managers were distracted an explosion was heard. Jessica stopped rolling the dead body and Mackenzie stopped lecturing Jesse, both turned around to see a smirking Roy. After being released from his chains the Flame Alchemist was sent to wash cars with everyone else, much to Ed’s amusement, and apparently, enough had been enough.

“Roy!! NO BLOWING UP THE CARS!!” shouted Mackenzie, waving her arms around in the air.

“Yeah, take the gloves off Mustang.” Roy shot Jessica a look when she demanded he take off his
gloves.

“So sexy when mad…” Mackenzie stated dreamily.

“Roy! I don’t care how sexy you look when you’re pissed off, but that’s not going to work this
time. You have to take off the gloves.”

While the manager and Jessica were trying to wrestle the gloves off of Roy’s hands another car
pulled up to the manwash.

“Hey boss. Who would’ve thought we’d see you here?”

“Ha, they actually came,” Ed snickered upon seeing who had driven up to a horror struck Roy.

“Hey Havoc, hey Fuery,” said Mackenzie, after coming out of her daze.

“Hey Fuery,” exclaimed Jessica, completely ignoring the smoker [he’s a scary person I tell
you!!].

“What the hell are you doing here Lieutenant?!”

“Don’t act so surprised boss. When we learned that you had disappeared from work we knew
that these two,” at this Havoc leveled a look at both managers, “dragged you somewhere against
your will or something.”

Mackenzie looked Havoc square in the eye, “Who said he was dragged against his will?”

Jessica tried to stifle her laughter, Roy’s eye began to twitch uncontrollably, Fuery paled and
Havoc lit another cigarette.

“Well if you’re just gonna sit there then get out,” said Jessica glaring at the chain-smoker.

“Nope, how much to get the boss to clean the car?” Roy paled.

House popped up in the back seat of the car [A/N: I don’t really know how either] and tried to
bargain with the two military men. The price was settled at $50 and Roy was sent to wash the
car.

“So, you guys came after all huh?”

“Well Ed, when we got you’re text we thought ‘why not?’”

“Wait, you put them up to this didn’t you Fullmetal?!”

“So what if I did, serves you right, bastard,” with that Ed walked back off to the snack bar and
Roy planed to get his revenge.

Meanwhile, Cloud was washing a car for Pamela when suddenly the suds on the ground started
to morph into the shape of a face. “Guys, come over here!” Cloud motioned to everyone working
there.

“Good job Cloud, you spoke! Now say ‘Yes Pam I will marry you’,” Pam’s attempt at making the
blond speak again was futile.

As everyone gathered around the car and looked at the ground Ed shouted at everyone to look
up at the electronic price displayer [A/N: I honestly don’t know what they’re called, but they
show the prices of things and they read messages and things].

“My daughter Elicia, who just turned three this year! Isn’t she adorable?!” read Jesse. “What
the hell?”

“Oh my god it’s a haunted empty parking lot!” screamed Fuery.

“Pull yourself together Fuery!” Roy shouted back.

Jessica thought for a second, “Wait a second that sounds like-”

“-Hughes.” Finished Mackenzie.

“WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?!” sobbed Jessica uncontrollably as she fell to the
ground.

Everyone stared at Jessica for a second and then left to go back to their previous jobs.

“Boss, I think you missed a spot,” observed Havoc.

“That’s ENOUGH!!” screamed Roy grabbing for Havoc and Fuery as they tried to escape into
the newly cleaned car, but Fuery wasn’t fast enough.

“What did I do Colonel?” cowered the fugitive.

“Nothing, but if I have suffer through this you do too.” Hence Fuery was dragged into the
manwash madness.

Action at the manwash was winding down to the dismay of Jessica and Mackenzie.

“This is getting ridiculous!” exclaimed Jessica and after quickly discussing the issue with
Mackenzie the two brought out a megaphone and decided to make an announcement.

“EVERYONE SHUT UP!!”

“Thanks Jess. ANYWAY! Molestation of ONE guy of your choice now for just five dollars. Tell
everyone you know. Also, now for just $2.50 you can buy POWERADE. With POWERADE you
can have 400 babies, just ask Roy!” Roy’s eye began to twitch and he pulled on a glove, “That
will be all.”

After the little announcement the parking lot was filled with people.

“Well Jessica it looks like we’ll have plenty of money in no time. Jess? Jessica? Where did she
go?” Mackenzie scratched her head.

“I think she’s over there,” said L motioning to a car.

Sitting in a new red convertible was a poorly disguised woman wearing a false mustache talking
to a terribly confused Jesse. “Yes for the extra $5 I’ll take that sexy looking man with the black
hair that like the set things on fire.”

“Uhhh, ok,” said Jesse as he walked over to Roy and tapped him on the shoulder then motioned
over to the car. Roy slowly walked over to the car.

‘What on Earth is she doing?’ thought Mackenzie as she watched Roy approach the vehicle.
Suddenly, Jessica grabbed Roy and dragged him into the car, preparing to drive off. “Oh HELL
NO!” screamed Mackenzie, telling L to look after the wash while she chased down the car.

Jessica’s escape plan didn’t actually work since the car ran out of gas only two blocks away from
where she had picked up the slightly pissed off [but sexy] Roy. Mackenzie then dragged the two
of them back to the manwash.

Once they got back Mackenzie gave Roy a hug saying an affectionate “Rape,” [A/N: Just go with
it] and shooed Jessica off.

Moments later House walked up to Mackenzie and gave her a five dollar bill, smiling in his own
creepy way. “Have fun Roy,” Mackenzie patted him on the back and ran off in the other
direction, Roy turned green and House frowned. Roy promptly gave the doctor his money back
and went to find a bathroom.

After getting a lecture from Mackenzie about not running off with Roy [she didn’t mention any of
the other boys] Jessica was set off to make sure nothing got out of hand again.

After dousing Roy in a bucket of water, dying Cloud’s hair pink [much to Pam’s dismay],
removing the graffiti picture of Elicia [that had mysteriously appeared] off the ground, putting
flowers in Ed’s hair, running away from Ed when he realized there were flowers in his hair, and
then failing to get internet access, Jessica was utterly bored. Mackenzie wasn’t faring much
better. After failing to get internet access, raping Roy, using all the battery up on her iPod, and
trying to get Jessica to calm down she was pretty tired too.

A motorcycle pulled up the manwash with two passengers the second one pulled off their helmet
to reveal Sephiroth, who then launched himself at Cloud and the two began an epic battle of epic-
ness. The driver the pulled off his helmet to reveal, “ZACK!!” and with that Jessica ran over to
the car [somehow changed into a bathing suit]. “I’ll wash it for you!” Zack gladly accepted and
Jessica began to wash the motorized bike.

Ed watched the display unhappily, and Mackenzie began to laugh at him. Roy then walked by
Zack and Jess and ‘accidentally’ the two fell onto the ground as the alchemist walked away.
“Oops. Sorry.”

When Ed was pretty sure that they were going to start molesting each other he walked over to
the motorcycle and replaced Jessica with House. He then walked off, dragging Jessica over to the
snack bar.

“Hah. Did the shorty feel threatened?” prodded Roy.

“I’m not short, I’m fun sized.” There was an awkward pause between the two alchemists. “Wait,
that didn’t come out right.” Jessica started to laugh uncontrollably at the pair’s discomfort and
the two shot her a disapproving look.

[A/N: And I don’t know how to end it so use your imagination for the rest!! XP]

Maquillaje

A/N: ...REAL FICTION. SOMEONE SHOOT ME NOW.

"Hey, hey Esteban!"

That's Katarina. I should say something.

"Esteban! Hello! ¡Hola, mi amiguito!"

She's talking in Spanish... She wants my attention...

"...What's so interesting about your book? It's not even open!"

The world snapped into color and vision like a rubber band snapping, with the accompanied migraine. The tan of the desk against the grey carpet of the floor and the blinding white of the book- a new thing, he hadn't even started reading it yet- made his eyes water and he jumped, a hand flying to his temple while his other rubbed his eyes. "Kate," he growled. "Stop bothering me!"

...Silence. And then...

"Do you have something to share with the class, Señor Andrews?"

It's been happening more often. Spacing out, not being able to focus...

"Señor Andrews?"

Esteban looked up. 'And it happened again, just now. I need to get more sleep.'

"Yes?"

The teacher looked at him like he was an idiot. Well, this was Spanish. He had every right to be an idiot in this class because he didn't understand a god-damned thing. "Do you have something to share with the clase, Señor Andrews?"

He pronounced 'class' as 'cla-se,' as in Spanish. Esteban resisted the urge to jump up and yell, "Yes, I have something to share. ENGLISH. The most COMMON language on EARTH."

...But he didn't. The teacher's face would have been priceless, though. "Nothing to share, sir."

"Good. No, lo dijé que el preterito..."

...Bastard. What did that even mean? Preterite tense was something about... past... but wasn't that imperfect?

You know what? Fine. Screw Spanish and its tenses. Esteban lived with a Spanish exchange student and her best friend. They'd teach him later.

Now, what was that book again? He looked down again, and the white seemed to shine, blinding him... He felt his tear-ducts go spastic on him, and blinked rapidly.

Her dress was pale white, like the moon, and her hair was black, like the night. The swords in her hands spun casually, double-bladed, with one edge completely smooth and the other cut in jagged shards. It reminded him perversely of the swords the huns wielded in Mulan, but those swords were never covered in blood.

The bell rang, and he jumpe

d. Katarina was tugging his arm. "Hey, you alright, El Dorado?"

"...M'not blond." He muttered, standing and pulling his appendage away from her vise-like grip. "...You do your English homework?" He shook off the sudden image, trying to remember where he was. Sighing, he bent to pick up his binder and the book (which he tucked into his back-pack, out of sight) as he talked.

"Aww, I'm going to get a better grade in your stupid language then you if you keep forgetting, Dorado!"

"S'not my fault that..." He waited for the sentence to continue, but it didn't, so he shrugged. His backpack, full of everything he needed for both A and B days, made the motion difficult, even if he carried the binder he pretended to use for the El Lenguaje del Diablo and really used for Science. "Maybe. Then you can tutor me."

"I already tutor you, though!" Kata

rina was from Spain, an enigma in herself. Her mother was Italian, which gave her the name of the Shrew from Shakespeare...? Her hair was curly and she wore make-up as if she had been born with a tube of mascara in her hands. This week her look was blood-red lips and kohl-smeared eyes.

Esteban wondered half-heartedly why he noticed such things about girls when he had never so much as touched a tube of lip-stick in his life. But then again, as long as he never started wearing it, it was cool... right? He frowned right down the hall and into Math. Thank God, his safe haven. Numbers = Logics. Preterite =/= Logics. Katarina shared this class with him, as did Warren. (1) 

"...Hey, Dora?"

He flinched at the nick-name. Mr. Reed let them choose their seat every day and it was customary for him and Katarina to sit in the corner across from the door, with Warren right in front of them. Today, Warren was hiding a cell phone under his desk and playing a game of pong. "Okay, the City of Gold I can deal with, but if you call me that one more time..."

"You'll what? Stay out late and neglect your homework?"

"...I don't stay out late."

Warren turned and grinned at him, displaying his make-up and the piercings in his ears and lip. Wait, it was worse then that- The piercings in his ears? They weren't in the lobe, like normal girlspeople did them. They were all up and down the sides, with tiny black rocks that sparkled in the sun... and he looked g

ood. He didn't look girly or anything, in his band t-shirts and the long-sleeved things he wore under them. Jeans with rips and chains, plus the 'emo shoes' he was so proud of completed the image. 

"Ho-ho, is someone joining the dark side? Remember, they have cookies."

Esteban looked at him blankly. "Last I checked, it was chocolate chip cookies."

"Those are getting stale. No-one took them home, so they're rotting in the cafeteria. Martha cooked us cupcakes, though, so it's all good now." It was a running joke that Warren ruled the underworld with Jessica Alba as his Queen, Edward Cullen as his Grand Champion, and Martha Stewart as his cleaning lady. 

"Oh. Well, deals off, then. Give me my soul back." His math binder was red, and stuffed with papers. He had wanted to clean it out, but kept forgetting... he was forgetting a lot of things earlier.

"Stop dodging the subject!" Katarina pouted. "If you don't go out at night, where were you last... last night." Her vocabulary was lacking the words 'sneaking out.' 

"I was at home, trying to get some rest! Needless to say, it didn't work."

"...You weren't home, 'Rado. I waited up, and in the morning you were there, but... I stayed up until three. You definitely weren't home."

"Bullshit. I was asleep! Did you check my room?"

"Normally your snoring-"

"I don't snore!" 

"-would mean that I didn't have to, but I did. I checked your room, my room, Natalie's room, the Kitchen, the Attic, the Basement-"

"We don't have a basement."

"Exactly! You weren't-" Katarina got loud when she got agitated, and when she got agitated people tended to notice her. 

Mr. Reed coughed loudly. "So, Katarina, what's the discriminant of x squared plus four x plus 4?"

Katarina stared at him until Esteban elbowed her. A piece of paper was laying next to her arm.

"Ummm... Zero?" Katarina pretended to think about her answer even as she leaned over slightly to see. 

"Very good." Katarine smiled brilliantly, until Mr. Reed continued. "Next time, try not to copy off of friends."

Katarina's smile faltered, but to her credit she did not deny the claim. The class tittered. 

(1) Totally stole that name there. Also, Mr. Reed... Rhyme with anything? XD (Warren? He's an ACTUAL emo, minus the wrist cutting... But that makes him Goth, doesn't it? Aw, forget it.)

NOTES ABOUT THE NEW POSSIBLE SERIES: This first chapter sucked, and I admit it. 

Important notes: Katarina and Warren are MINOR characters. Katarina will not end up with 'Rado. Warren, though, has yet to be decided.

That crazy chick with the swords in the flash-backs earlier? She's the Female lead. Esteban is the Male lead. However, Mrs. Swordy-lady will not show up for a bit, because I like the suspense and I want to make her intro AMAZING. 

...NO, THIS IS NOT A HIGH-SCHOOL STORY. AND NEITHER IS ESTEBAN GAY, THOUGH THAT WOULD BE BOTH FUNNY AND DISTURBING. 

Also, this is my first time with a boy main-character. Bear with me. 

Tempest

Echo sighed, rolling over in bed. It was comfortable, it was warm, but she had far too much space. 

It was hard to sleep with him gone, even harder knowing she would wake up to a day of worrying. He had gone on an extended mission in America, not taking anything with him- including a cell phone, the stupid jerk. 

Her night clothes for the day- an overlarge t-shirt that was obviously meant for a man, though it wasn't Skulduggery's (he was thinner then she was, and that would be uncomfortable)- choked her when she turned again, making her wince and sit up. As she loosened the fabric around her neck, she wondered if she would be getting any sleep that night. Probably not.

Might as well spend it doing something worth-while... Wait, she probably couldn't paint in her worry, either. Oh, well. 

Echo made her way down the hall and the stairs, to her kitchen, where she found a mug and filled it with hot chocolate powder and hot water, then added two ice cubes, exactly the way she liked it. She sat down on the floor of her kitchen, knees up to her chest, cradling the hot mug, and drank. 

Several minutes later, she heard soft foot-falls down the stairs and noted that the kitchen door was open, letting light spill into the hall. Persephone would find her easily enough.

The Captain Cleaver smiled at the ten year old when Persephone rounded the corner and stared at her with her not-quite-hazel eyes.  It was more like two different colors- brown on the inside and green on the outside, faded in the middle. Echo knew that they were her beloved daughter's best features. "Mom?" She asked, confused. 

"Yes, Sefa?" Sefa was Persephone's nick-name, as Persephone was a mouth-full. 

"What are you doing up? And... On the floor..." Persephone frowned, her father's old frown, as she looked at her mother. Well, she must look rather odd, sitting on the carpet with her hot chocolate. 

"I couldn't sleep. You?"

Sefa sat down next to her mother, who put an arm around her. "Me neither. It's... kinda of weird, not having dad here." 

"Next time, he's bringing a phone." Echo stated, then paused. "If he has a next time."

"You mean, 'If I let him abandon his helpless family of weak women to spend two or three weeks alone.'" Sefa exaggerated. 

"Exactly. Even though you're hardly weak."

"Yup."

They sat in silence for a while, while Echo finished her hot-chocolate and marveled at her daughter. It was unusual, actually- Persephone Haunted chose her name at the age of 7, when her power showed itself, unlike her mother, who had to choose a name nearly a decade before her power made itself known.

Persephone's power in itself was odd: She could transfer wounds. If someone cut themselves, Persephone could take the wound from them and give it to herself... or someone else. It made trying to kill her nearly impossible, as far as they knew. 

Her daughter also had incredible insight- She understood things beyond her years, like the fact that Echo and Skulduggery were hardly a conventional couple and not to mention that her parents weren't married to the residents of Haggard because that would raise all sorts of questions. She probably also understood why Echo was here, in the kitchen, instead of upstairs, in bed. 

Persephone was a marvel. And she was marvelous. 

Twenty minutes later, Sefa's eyes were fluttering. "Mooooo~m?" She asked, dragging out the syllable. 

"Yes?" 

'Tell me a story."

"I'm old, honey, I have lots of stories."

"Tell me one about the twins?" Sefa clarified. 

"No, I don't want to think right now."

"Make up a story."

"Okay," Echo murmered, and then searched her brain for the weirdest story she could think of. "So what happened was that we were surrounded by angry nutcrackers that looked like giant mushrooms. They had purple staffs with sparkles and green glittery crowns. Nutcrackers are scary because they were big, angry monsters. They screamed "ATTAAACK!!" and charged at people but we were saved by VALERIE! 

"So it came to pass that the countess ruled over the land of the dead with potatoes."

Persephone stared at her mother. Echo snickered, re-playing the story in her mind. 

"Are you sure that wasn't written by crazed fan-girlish teenagers a few days before Christmas, very late at night?"

"Anything's possible. Go to bed now."

A/N: *snickers* W-wow, that... XDD

Head Trip

What would happen if we all went on a head trip? What would your other reality look like?

Paula:
I sighed as I look at the paper flower in my hand, and then blinked as it erupted into a tower of flames thirty feet high.
"Pretty." I said thoughtfully. The weather was a blizzard, but slightly on the warm side, the sun streaming through the snow like snakes in a corn cob. Naturally, I could see everything, and the colours were slightly inverted.
"Mrs. Crawford, since when did you have a pruis-imo?" I mumbled, looking at the Sudan with minor appreciation. "Thats not a pretty banana."
I turned around on the grass, which was on the ceiling, but that was the wall and floor. "Oh! Austin, how nice to see you! You make such a pretty... umm... thing? Why are you wearing a dress?!" Amigo sneered at me. "What pretty flowers."

Kaylynn:
Kaylynn sat on the floor rather dizzy-like. "I think I drank hamburgers that didn't agree with me." She smiled dreamily out the window. The clouds were hot pink and the sky purple, with odd flashing lights in it. "My dear, it looks so pretty today!" Kaylynn sang. "The trees are dancing up-si-down on the windmills!" She paused. "Oh, wait. Nothings changed."

Mackenzie:
[Error] [Too weird to write]

Austin:
The sky was red and the earth black, huge bells floating where the clouds should be. Too bad he had thrown rocks at them! Pah! Damn prissy soldiers.... Austin glowered at the sky, not sure exactly what he was trying to glare a hole through. Ah, well, holes were fun to glare at. But Paula was the one who had made them? Oooo, look! Roses!

Robbers

What would happen if we all got mugged? Well...

Jesse

Jesse walked down the road muttering about... Something or other. Probably about his young/old step brother or Jessica tying him to a chair again. The sky was grey and the grass was yellow. Perfect weather for Jesse.

Suddenly and out of nowhere, a poorly disguised L needed cash and decided that this poor teenager would be the best person to get it from. He promptly beat the crap out of Jesse, left him in an alley, and began conquering the world with his awesome detectiveness. Oddly enough, this made Jesse swear to kill all the criminals with a magical book... Somehow. 

Mackenzie

Mackenzie skipped down the road singing an insanely fast japanese song. The sky was blue and the grass was green, and it was slightly warm. 

Suddenly and out of nowhere, someone decided they needed money for their crack and decided to jump her. As the unfortunate soul was about to leap with a knife, he was stopped dead by a hand on his shoulder. It was the Skeleton Detective, here to save our poor Otaku's life! Needless to say, our poor crack-addict wound up in an alley in Ireland, chained to a fat man who would not stop drinking beer. 

Kaylynn

Kaylynn walked down the road, making no sounds what-so-ever. The sky was blue, the grass was brown, and somebody, somewhere, was round-house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris. 

Suddenly and out of nowhere, Kaylynn found herself handing over her money silently to a man in a mask. (For the record, it was Batman, and he didn't even want her money. Good 'ol Kaylynn! Always ready to serve a higher cause! Even though Batman is a billionaire who hardly needs twenty dollars, a student ID, county library card, or a piece of gum.) 

Jessica

Jessica was running down the road at full speed to escape Sepiroth. The sky was purple and the grass was orange, but no one noticed because the sun was either rising or setting and the colors were always distorted at those times of days anyway. 

Suddenly and out of nowhere, Sephiroth caught up and stole her wallet. He was promptly round-house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris and burst alive by Oldzilla. Needless to say, Chuck Norris kept the wallet. 

Paula

Paula glared murderously at the road, which turned to cement and vaporized instantly. The sky was purple and the grass was orange, but no one dared comment or make fun of it because it was Paula's world and her rules and if anyone screwed around she could glare at them until their head exploded. 

Suddenly and out of nowhere, someone decided that they would try to steal all her money because Xan's retarded like that. Before he even got within twenty miles of her, however, Amigo's someone-stupid-is-trying-to-get-near-Creator alarm went off and Xan turned into a tree. Paula suddenly felt relieved. 

Austin

Austin was walking down the road looking very depressed. The sky was red and the grass was covered in blood, but no one else was alive any more because Austin's pent up anger and frustration turned from cutting himself into killing everyone else on earth. (The people he didn't kill were Paula, Amigo, Jessica, and Chuck Norris because they ran and hid on Mars, Mackenzie because she hid in her alternate universe and stayed in Paula's basement, Xan because Austin didn't want to get near, and any other emo kids because they kept out of his way.) 

...Well? Nobody was around to mug him! Problem solved!

Jessica's Reply to the latest Challenge

EDWARD vs. DRACULA [cause i'm too lazy to think up anything creative]

Jessica surveyed her two victims, Edward Cullen and the ‘One and Only’ Dracula. ‘Not my FIRST choice or my second for that matter, but let’s see what we can do with these guys.’
Walking over to the two vampires she shouted “OK look here. Dracula, Sparkle-Boy, for the next few hours I will be putting you through numerous tests to see which one of you is the better vampire. The winner gets a book-wich, the loser gets deer-shanked. ANY QUESTIONS BEFORE WE GET STARTED?!”

“I’VE COME TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!”

“Whatever, ok Dracula and Sparkle-Boy –“

“My name is Cullen. EDWARD Cullen.”

“…right. ANYWAY your first competition is to see which one of you can seduce more women with a kissing booth. Both of you are to set up a kissing booth in the mall courtyard and whoever attracts the most people wins.” And with that the crazy host held up a deer the size of a small dog and proceeded to sharpen its horns.

Edward started to chuckle. This caught both Dracula’s and Jessica’s attention, earning him a weird look from the host.

“VAT do you sink iss so funny, eh?” exclaimed the Count.

“Oh, nothing,” Edward answered smoothly and flipped his hair to one side.

“O…Kay then. The both of you have thirty minutes to get as many people in your line as possible. You are allowed to use bribery and decorations to attract the most women, or in Shiny-Stripper-Man’s case, fangirls.”

“I’ve come to suck your blood??”

“Right. And… BEGIN!!”

Twenty-five minutes into the struggle it was obvious that Edward was going to win, when on the other side of the courtyard a yell was heard.

“HEY LADIES!!”

Heads turned in the direction of the yell to a small, quaint booth set up. Zackary Fair had duct-taped poor Cloud to a chair and was proceeding to yell at everyone who would listen that his friend’s kissing booth was now open for business, to the dismay of Cloud’s girlfriend Kaylynn.
“Any donations are welcome, thank you and good-luck Spiky,” and with those last words of encouragement Zack left to sit with Jessica and watch Cloud handle the crowd of women that had accumulated infront of his booth.

“OK. That’s thirty. Now everyone GET OUT!!” With a terrifying yell Jessica scared everyone away so that everything could be taken down and Cloud could be set free. “Although it is unnecessary to hand them in, please give me your tally sheets.” Both Edward and Dracula handed in a tally sheet, and Zack handed over the scrap of paper he used to keep count for Cloud. “And in last place we have Dracula with seven women.”

“But-”

“NO randomly jumping on people and sucking their blood does not count”

“…oh”

“And in second place we have-”

“-WAIT A SECOND! What do you mean second place? There were only two of us!”

“Oh contraire Mr. Sparkle-Butt there were THREE of you. Now if you don’t mind [ahem], in second place is Twinkle-Toes with 1,287 fangirls and no regular women.”

“Wait a sec, WAT?!” exclaimed Edward.

“Which means first place goes to Cloud with a whopping total of 786,847 women and $3,984,754.”

“Way to go Chocobo! I always knew you had it in you!” congratulated Zack to a blushing blond.

“No sucking blood?!”

“No Dracula, he didn’t suck anyone’s blood.”

“BUT HE WAS ONLY THERE FOR FIVE MINUTES!!”

“Well I guess that means something then doesn’t it Pretty-Boy.” Ignoring the other comments from the PMSing Edward, Jessica proceeded to tell the two of their next challenge.

“Modeling?”

“In nature. What? Don’t think you can handle that Twinkle-Toes?”

“No I just don’t think it’s fair to the Count. Wait a sec. There won’t be any surprises in this thing too will there be?”

“No, no surprises.”

“I’ve co-,”

“And NO blood sucking!!” Jessica fumed turning to the count and grabbing him by the collar.

“OK, OK. I won’t suck the blood… for now…”

“Anyway you’re up first Dracula.” After a very unsuccessful shoot, Dracula walked back and tried to sneak away to ‘find a snack.’

“So it’s my turn then,” not so much a question as it was a statement.

“Yeah, go and give it your best shot Sparkle-Boy.”
Edward proceeded to peel off his shirt and threw it on Jessica head. After removing the shirt from her face, the host hurt her eyes by catching a glimpse of a shirtless sparkling thing that resembled a human.

Walking back to the chairs about an hour later with a smirk on his face Edward put on his shirt and waited with Jessica and the Count until the photos were developed and the winner was to be announced.

“OK, the loser is… The Human Disco Ball”

There was a short silence that then, “WHAT?! You’ve got to be joking. Me? I lost at a photo shoot thing?!”

“Dude, you’re not even IN the pictures,” showing Edward the pictures she had in here hand, each one only showed a rock. An attractive rock, but a rock none the less. Leaving a speechless Edward, Jessica continued. “And since rocks can’t eat book-wiches the winner is, DRACULA!!”

“…”

“Ummm, Dracula, you won. Be happy!”

“Do I get to suck blood?”

Jessica sighed, “No, you don’t get to suck blood.”

After trying to convince Edward that he was not ‘a pathetic, good-for-nothing, ugly, stupid, little vampire thing that couldn’t do shit if he life depended on it’ [because it’s very hard to fight for a cause you don’t believe in] Jessica got the two vampires to the third round.

“This round is to see which one of you can fight the best, and helping me judge this one will be the most amazing [annoyingly so] fighter in almost forever, Sephiroth [queue theme music].”

“…”

“…”

“You know, like pow, pow, kabam, punch, kick, kick, punch?”

“…”

“Uhh… I’ve come to suck your blood?”

“Sure, basically. Anyway Pretty-Boy you’re up first. BRING IN THE PSYCHO! Oh, not you darling, the other psycho,” Jessica reassured patting Edwards shoulder and ruffling his hair. Sure enough, Genesis Rhapsodos was brought into a small boxing ring soon followed by Edward.
Edward flashed his fangs and things went downhill from there. “Day-um, you fangs is all bitch’n and shiny and shit!” shouted Genesis jumping on Edward.

“What happened to him?” Jessica questioned turning to Sephiroth.

“He started watching MTV about a week ago and he’s been like this ever since.”

~5 minutes later and having a conversation with Edward~

“So anyway, as I was say’n, this bitch was all up in my koolaid like ‘I know you ride’n dirty’ and I was all ‘Get out of the way bitch, I gotta go to my crib and scope my possie’ you know what I’m say’n yo?!”

“Is he having a conversation with Pretty-Boy?!”

“Frankly, I think I liked him better when he was quoting poetry.”

“OK well this is getting ridiculous so what now?” The host thought for a second before running to the ring and dragging Genesis, who proceeded to ramble, out of said ring and pushed a confused but pleased Sephiroth into the fight.

“Now this should be more interesting. FIGHT!”

Long story short, Seph kicked Edward’s ass because Edward is ‘a pathetic, good-for-nothing, ugly, stupid, little vampire thing that couldn’t do shit if he life depended on it.’

“AND THAT’S A WRAP!! Seph, he can’t die yet, the story isn’t over.”

“Hmm”

After the medics carried Edward off to the side of the establishment Jessica forced Dracula onto the stage and announced his fierce opponent.

“Barney? You expect him to fight Barney?”

“Well Seph, my friend, you never know.”

“Piece of cake,” snorted Dracula and advanced on the purple dinosaur. His advance quickly stopped however when the dinosaur round-housed kicked him. “Hey, vat gives?!”

The Purple freak then took off the dinosaur mask and revealed the person controlling the dinosaur’s moves, Chuck Norris. [sorry Chuck, please don’t send Oprah to eat me]

A short story shortened, Chuck Norris round house kicked Dracula’s ass and the medics had to pick him up too.

~THE FOLLOWING DAY~

“So glad you guys could make it today.”

“Not that we had a choice…” grumbled Edward.

“…”

“What Dracula? You’re gonna have to speak up.”

“I’ve come to su-,”

“NEVER MIND SHUT UP!!”

“…”

“…”

“So, on a different note, today you will be competing to see which of you is scarier. This will be tested by who can scare the crap out of me first.”

Both vampires assumed their positions. “You guys can just go back and forth and try to be scary.”

“I’ve come to suck your BLOOD!” shouted Dracula, flashing his fangs and laughing evilly.

“I’ve come to eat your toast!” exclaimed Edward who proceeded to do the jazz hands.

“…”

“… My toast? Seriously, Twinkle-Toes?”

“Well I would be scared is someone stole my toast…”

“I’VE COME TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!!”

“Yeah, we get it Dracula…”

“I’m incredibly fast, and strong. My skin is ice cold and pale white. I-“

“BORING!! Heard it all before pretty boy, save it for Bella.”

The faint smell of fresh-baked cookies wafted through the room and a door opened near the back. A figure with long, black hair stepped out and turned around.

“I brought the cookies”

“OH MY CHUCK NORRIS/BRENDON/PETE/SEPH/ZACK/ANYOTHER THING THAT RESEMBLES GOD ITS MICHAEL JACKSON!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!” Screamed Jessica as she hid under her table.

The next half hour after Michael left was spent trying to convince Jessica that the ‘scary man’ was indeed gone and that it was safe to come out.

“Since neither of you succeeded to scare ANYONE, the winner is Michael… you two should be ashamed of yourselves. Each of you will have to meet me in this building after you are let out of the truck that will bring you there in one hour.”

With that Jessica left and headed for the building to set up the last, secret challenge.

“They think that they are just going to have to come into the building but what they really are going to have to do is this. I’ve hired a man that will come by dressed as boua hobo pushing a shopping cart with a brand new flat-screen T.V. The man will drop the T.V. to where the vampire can see it and another hired person in a car will run over the T.V. The vampire must then help the man back to the store where he got the T.V. from, offer to buy him a new one AND pay for everything that the hobo decided to try and shop-lift upon leaving the store. Isn’t that a great plan Seph?!”

“Umm and they do not know that this is what they are supposed to do right?”

“Right.”

“And what is this supposed to test exactly?”

“Their inner beauty ofcourse! Don’t you ever watch T.V. Seph?”

“…”

“Anyway the person will be followed by our hidden cameras. Here comes Dracula now.”
Zack, dressed up as a hobo with the flatscreen T.V. walked onto the scene and dropped the T.V. right as Fred and George Weasley rounded a corner in a car and then jumped out of the way before the twins ran it over with their car. Dracula walked over to Zack and thankfully didn’t notice who it was [which is hard to believe] and offered to walk him back to Best Buy. At Best Buy, Dracula bought Zack a new T.V. while Zack was trying to shop-lift. Once Zack was stopped by security Dracula payed for everything that ‘the hobo’ had tried to steal and got a new cart for Zack and sent him on his way. After all this Dracula made it to the building he was supposed to make it to, entered the front doors and waited in the waiting room.

“How did he do that?”

“I told you they’d know what to do Seph. Now let’s see what the Human Disco Ball does.”
Jessica and Sephiroth both gasped at what they saw on the screen, then Jessica turned to Seph and said, “I think we’ve made our decision.”

~ A little bit later~
“Dracula, Twinkle-Toes, that last thing that you did was actually another test. The name that I call will be the un-dead person that has won and that person will walk away with a book-wich.”

“Dracula…congradulations, you win.”

“I’ve come to suck your blood?”

“Umm, you can go now. The person outside will give you your book-wich.”

Dracula exited the room.

“Edward, there is something you should know. There is more to this competitions than meets the eye. That walk here was a test.”

“Hey, you are TOTALLY taking this from that ‘True Beauty’ show, aren’t you?!”

“Fine, ruin my fun… Basically Dip-Shit, you were supposed to help the hobo before coming here, not try to make out with some random girl and sign autographs.”

“You mean I was supposed to take him to Best Buy and get him a new T.V. then pay for the stuff he tried to shop-lift and then get him a new cart and send him on his way?!”

Seph turned to Jessica, “How do they KNOW this?!”

“That is EXACTLY what you were supposed to do. I wish I could say that I’m sorry Twinkle-Toes, but I’m not… you fail as a person AND a vampire.”

Edward was about to argue back, but then he started running away followed by a giant hand holding the deer from earlier and a loud, deep voice shouting “DEEEEER SHAAAAAANK!!!!”

“So… yeah, that concludes today’s randomness. Tune in next time [if there is a next time, cause I know that this totally sucked] for more randomly random stuff.”



AND for all of you how haven’t seen it… click this link or DIE!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AEdNd50gNY

The Golden Cat Oneshot

(Yes "Paula" is a character)

Paula looked up, her hair wet, and clinging to her face. The rain poured from the heavens, drenching her and her friends. The friends she thought she knew.
Conocido meowed, his deep and melodic voice echoing through the downpour.
Paula absently reached up and stroked his soft golden fur.
"Paula, if you don't go through that portal right now, you'll never forgive yourself."
She shook her head, sending water everywhere.
"No! How can I go back? Knowing everything I don't have? What about Conocido?" She half begged. "You can't take this all away from me!"
Warren looked down. "But..."
"No!" She wailed. "No buts! You brought me here! You can't make me go!"
Warren reached out a hand. "Yes... but, we..." He worked his mouth weakly.
Jaeza looked up, and gently touched Paula's shoulder.
"You've done a lot for us. And Conocido can tell you that you have learned a lot about yourself."
Paula looked into the deep amber of Conocido's eyes. The cat meowed, and winked.
She shook her head again. "No..! No! No!"
Everyone looked on as the girl rampaged.
"I refuse to go back! To my life! The thing that almost ruined me! I am tired of empty conversations filled with empty words!"
Conocido purred. We are always beside you. You can always find us when you need us.
Paula gaped at the cat. "You can talk?"
Of course. You just never asked me.
She shook her head. "Tell me this is real. That I'm not going to wake up raped or dead."
Warren laughed. "You asked me that they day we met. If I was going to rape or murder you."
Paula struggled to blink away tears. "And you never did."
"You learned trust."
"You learned to believe."
"You learned how to forgive."
"You learned how to forget."
But most of all, you learned how to move on. Conocido whispered. You need to do that now.
Paula sighed, letting out her pent up anger, sadness, and horror.
"Where will I find you when I need you?"
Conocido winked a single golden eye. Just look to the sky. For I am the sun.
"Since I met you, I've been enlightened. I knew Conocido was the name for you."
Si.
Warren held out a hand. "C'mon, it's time for you to go home."
"Hey, wait a second." Paula said. "There's something I have to do."
Everyone fell silent as Paula gently took Conocido off of her shoulder.
"Thanks kitty, you sure were perfect for your name." She whispered, kissing his nose. Then she held him like a baby as she overlooked the entirety of her new friends. "I trust we'll meet again. And, umm... thanks. Y'know, for everything."
A huge cheer went up as she turned to Warren. "I'm ready to go now."
She held out the cat in her arms, and Conocido licked her hand. Another cheer went up as one of her bangs turned a sunray blonde.
You won't forget us. Just look into the sun, for there, shall we be.
Warren took the cat and he smiled at Paula.
"Good luck." He said. "For a chic like you, who knows what'll happen?"
Paula didn't respond as she began to walk towards the portal, her high heels not making a sound in the puddles of water. Right as she was about to dissapear, she turned around and winked one single gray green eye at Warren, and he turned slightly red as she vanished into the depths of Howl Portal.

Am I the only one that finds it amazing that NO ONE did the contest? Probably. For the record, I forgot. What's your excuse?

Okay, because you're all so lazy, I have a challenge. 

You can do three things.

THING 1: You can write a one-shot focusing on someone procrastinating to do something important. Free reign. Go wherever from there.

THING 2: You can write a short story about a character from... A book, or something... meeting a character from a different yet similar book. Example: Edward meets a vampire from a different book, only... Not. Because no one wants to write about Edward. 

THING 3: You can be mocked and scorned at school for the rest of the month. Your choice. 

Valentine's Day!

OKAY. CONTEST TIEMZ.

The story must...

-Be a One-Shot. Over 600 words. 

- Involve Valentine's Day.

- Have some sort of proposal. It doesn't have to be a marriage proposal, just... a proposal. Of any sort. (NOTE: You don't have to be creative, you can do a marriage proposal anyway... XD)

- Have the line "You want me to do what with you?" in it. Anywhere. But the line must be there. 

- Have the line "What's up with the candles?" as well. 

- Have food.

- Have laughter.

- NOT have tears and angst. That... No. It's a happy holiday.

The deadline is February 14th: Valentine's Day. I would prefer it if you didn't post before then, but save it as a draft until the day. Please meet as many of the requirements as possible!

POAST LIEK TOAST AND GO!

Drop-Off

A/N: Counterpart to Overhang. 

--

The rush of wind was disturbed by the trees, but Skulduggery was skilled at picking apart the patterns of wind and thus caught the movement in the forest. He sat up, scanning the sleeping bodies around the clearing. Huh. Echo must have been very quiet. She left her jacket, so rather then leaving her to walk in peace, he picked it up and decided to have a chat with her. The poor tan overcoat was just the excuse.

He was silent as he followed her movements on the wind- Hah, Echo-location! Sneaking up on her was so hard to do that he did it every time he could just to get a rise out of her. 

She stepped out onto the edge of the cliff as soon as he saw her, and he stiffened, throwing out a hand and gathering some air to stop her fall, but her first words caught him completely off guard. It took all of five seconds to realize that she was not talking to him at all, but someone he believed dead. 

"Hey, Ali. I guess it's been a while... Sorry about that." Cursing silently, he translated from Latin. He hadn't spoken it in ages, it figured that Echo would use it just to irk him- even though he was sure she didn't know he was there.

"Did you know that Apollo finally got a protegé?" Women. Shameless gossips, the lot of them.

...Wait did she just call him Apollo? Skulduggery crept up the side of a tree and sat on a branch, one leg hugged to his rib-cage as he watched her. The wind blew right through him, but he ignored it. This was worth investigation.  "Well- of course you didn't, you're dead. Her name is Valkyrie Cain, and she reminds me to such an absurd degree of Penelope. He acts like he's a... well, her father, when he's around Valkyrie. He... He teases! I was kind of scared. And it doesn't help that Valkyrie is practically the spitting image of Penelope! Not in her looks, of course not, but Valkyrie... acts like Penelope did, sometimes. She likes reading, and... Well, she's a bit of a smart-ass." Echo laughed, looking up and over the cliff as she talked. She definitely didn't know he was there, or she would have called him a smart-ass. 

"I'm not sure what that says about how Apollo cares for her- Guilt, maybe? I don't know." Skulduggery winced inwardly. That was a major blow, and he had to wonder if she was right- was it because of the daughter he practically left to Echo to raise that he cared so much about Stephanie? "Valkyrie would be pissed, though, if she found out that Apollo looks at her and sees the ghost of his dead daughter, so let's keep this all hush-hush, okay?" ...That was typical Echo, though, that there at the end. Only she would talk to empty air like it was a person and still have everyone convinced she was perfectly sane.

"Valkyrie's Reflection is what really interests me. You see, a while ago, Apollo shot it. Yes, he shot a Reflection." Damnit, she didn't get the whole story!

"I really didn't get the full story in any great detail-" Told you! "-But it involved escaping... Typical Apollo. After that, Val, as I call her-" A nick-name?! "-Gained a mind, and bam! We have a look-alike of Valkyrie Cain who hates Apollo's guts. Or lack thereof. Serves him right for shooting her." He winced again, his gaze dropping to the forest floor. Echo had that remarkable talent for guilt-tripping him even when she didn't know he was there. He wondered what that said about her ability to see what made people guilty... Then ignored that line of thought.

"Anyways, I met Val, and here's the part that reminds me of Penelope- She looks at me like her mother, or at-least a cool aunt. Just like Penelope." Way to be modest, Echo. "She still hates Apollo, but I think she might be getting over that. She also has this untamed habit for discovering secrets- Mostly mine. Probably because my secrets are the most expansive and have the most black-mail value." 

Skulduggery looked up at Echo again. What kinds of secrets did she have? She seemed pretty open to everyone... She had been for as long as she could remember. Echo didn't hide anything, it was part of what made trusting her infectious. 

"No, I'm not telling you, even if you are dead- or worse, if I'm talking to empty air (which I am)." He could hear the smile in her voice at her own accusation of insanity. 

"Yeah, she knows more about me in less then two months then you could figure out in... what, 200 years? I think I like her. Val, I mean. Valkyrie's also pretty sweet, but... I don't know, I feel a bit attached to Val. She's like the daughter I never had-" She stopped suddenly, and Skulduggery wondered what she had been about to say. Did she have a sweet-heart he didn't know about? Someone had passed the rumor to him that she had been soft for a barber a few centuries back... Had that been more then just a rumor?

He began paying attention again, and he felt his heart break slightly. He recognized that posture- that was teenage Echo, trying to pretend that she was alright when she was not. That was teenage Echo standing at his grave, trying to stop the tears from falling. That... was something he had not seen in years. "Yeah, I'm still single. Pathetic, I know. Sorry, no family genes passed on yet. I know you're very, very ashamed and all that, but, oh well. I just don't have the heart. I'm weird like that." The heart for what?! Skulduggery nearly growled at the frustration that he felt welling up inside him, before he realized that Echo was shaking slightly and he really didn't want to reveal that he had been watching her cry. 

"Anyways, while I'm here, I might as well tell you the really shitty news. I think that the job I tried to do last time I was here is about to be fulfilled- this guy named 'Nameless' has my given name." Skulduggery stiffened. Job? Here? "I have that necklace that binds my powers on, but if I'm to participate in the fight... chances are I'll try to kill someone, and that someone will have no choice but to kill me. I'm sorry, but it's a possibility." Oh God, she was referring to that job she tried to do here as DEATH! She had tried to kill herself! Skulduggery felt a deep ache in his chest, and if he had skin he knew he would have been chilled from the deep truth in her words. 

"I hope that it doesn't come to that, because the only person able to kill me is Apollo. He's already had the unfortunate duty to fight me once in the last few days..." So she remembered that after all. He had wondered if she just chose to block it out of her mind. The sad part, though, was that she was telling Alison that she meant for him to kill her if she went on a rampage! No! He couldn't! Skulduggery was frozen, transfixed, as Echo suddenly smiled- he could tell from the set of her shoulders... The way she looked up again...

"I... I hope it doesn't come to that. Really, I do. But if it does... Goodbye. I love you. You and Penelope both." Skulduggery could have cried with her. He wondered if she knew just how much this revealed about her... Well, she probably did; hence the middle of the night. She was willing to sacrifice herself for the 'greater good,' and if that was necessary, she wanted him to do the honors. Those were honors he could do without, though... 

He nearly missed her last words, so caught up by the realization... "By the way, since I'm going to die..." He leaned forward, moving the wind to catch her whisper. Even so, he missed it, except for one word: Daphne. 

So that was her first name. Skulduggery flinched as she turned and quickly pulled up her dangling coat, as well as his leg, and held very still as she passed underneath him, silently making her way back to the group in the clearing, leaving him sitting alone clutching her coat as if it was a holy relic and wondering just what made women so insane... or was it just her? 

And was it contagious?

--

1 Haha, lol. I love the Copy/Paste button.

2 I can imagine Skulduggery learning languages only because of necessity. Really. 

3 ^-^ Skulduggery's still in the "Maybe/sorta/do I?" phase of Crush-hood. Poor guy. 

A/N: This is in the middle of Rippling Pool, so don't be confused... (And I'll edit it in the morning.)

Overhang

A/N: ...lol. Don't ask.

--

The wind was cold on her bare arms- she had left her Jacket back at the camp and didn't dare go back to get it and risk waking a certain skeleton who would want to know exactly what she was doing up.

She couldn't tell him it was because of a stupid dream.

She couldn't tell him that the stupid dream was because of the place they stopped at tonight.

And she DEFINITELY couldn't tell him it was because she was going to talk to dead people. No, he wouldn't take very kindly to that- he was the only dead person she was allowed to talk to (as far as she knew).

The cold wind mentioned earlier swept back her hair from her shoulders, and rushed right through the camp as she stepped from the trees. There was a ten-foot blank zone with only the stone of the cliff and a few trees gnarled from the salty wind, before the cliff. It was a full moon tonight, and it reflected off the waves hundreds of feet below. A choice place for either romantic meetings or suicides- or both. Sadly, Echo had chosen the latter years ago, but decided against it. 

She took a step out of the trees, then another, and soon she was standing so near the edge that her toes hung over. The wind pushed her back slightly- she had to actively keep herself on her feet. She wasn't afraid, though, because this cliff was solid rock. Besides, if she fell... So what? She could turn into her Cleaver form half-way down and hope she didn't hit the rocks. As long as she wasn't hurt too badly, she couldn't drown, so it wasn't like she cared. 

The moon bathed her skin and turned it ghostly pale, against her dark hair and stark clothes. She wondered how she looked half-heartedly, but right now she found her gaze drawn to the horizon, along the line of reflective white water that marked where the moon struck it.  

Something inside her unwound, even as the memories from the last time she came her struck her. The fear, the pain- that was a different person. That had been different. She wasn't that person anymore, and if she met that person in the street she would barely recognize it as a part of herself- and even then, it was her past. 

"Hey, Ali." The latin flowed from her lips as easily as if she had not spent the last 2200 years speaking four other languages. "I guess it's been a while... Sorry about that." 

It was thoughtless, a spilling of thoughts that she did not feel stupid about- but she didn't feel good about it earlier. She had no illusions about Alison listening to her, but she dared not write down everything that had happened somewhere someone could find it. She also felt good letting it all out in the open- She could pretend that she was simply telling someone about it, instead of locking it away in a diary that was somehow worse then keeping it all in her head. It wasn't a secret if it didn't have a lock on it. 

"Did you know that Apollo finally got a protegé? Well- of course you didn't, you're dead. Her name is Valkyrie Cain, and she reminds me to such an absurd degree of Penelope." Apollo. Not Skulduggery; Alison wouldn't know the name, and besides, she couldn't help but think of the green-eyed boy she had met all those years ago when he acted so... childish around Valkyrie.

"He acts like he's a... well, her father, when he's around Valkyrie. He... He teases! I was kind of scared. And it doesn't help that Valkyrie is practically the spitting image of Penelope! Not in her looks, of course not, but Valkyrie... acts like Penelope did, sometimes. She likes reading, and... Well, she's a bit of a smart-ass." Echo giggled slightly, looking up at the moon as she spoke. 

"I'm not sure what that says about how Apollo cares for her- Guilt, maybe? I don't know. Valkyrie would be pissed, though, if she found out that Apollo looks at her and sees the ghost of his dead daughter, so let's keep this all hush-hush, okay?" Pssh, who here would spill the beans? But it felt natural to tell Alison- or empty air, as it were- to keep quiet about it. 

"Valkyrie's Reflection is what really interests me. You see, a while ago, Apollo shot it. Yes, he shot a Reflection. I really didn't get the full story in any great detail, but it involved escaping... Typical Apollo. After that, Val, as I call her, gained a mind, and bam!- We have a look-alike of Valkyrie Cain who hates Apollo's guts. Or lack thereof.  Serves him right for shooting her.

"Anyways, I met Val, and here's the part that reminds me of Penelope- She looks at me like her mother, or at-least a cool aunt. Just like Penelope. She still hates Apollo, but I think she might be getting over that. She also has this untamed habit for discovering secrets- Mostly mine. Probably because my secrets are the most expansive and have the most black-mail value. No, I'm not telling you, even if you are dead- or worse, if I'm talking to empty air (which I am)." Echo grinned. Alison never did figure it out, and she was glad of that- It would have torn her older sister apart. 

"Yeah, she knows more about me in less then two months then you could figure out in... what, 200 years? I think I like her. Val, I mean. Valkyrie's also pretty sweet, but... I don't know, I feel a bit attached to Val. She's like the daughter I never had-"  Echo bit off the last part of her sentence. Val was the daughter she never had... with Apollo. 

She paused, then reverted into one of her old habits she broke herself of- One of her arms crossed her chest to hang onto the other, and she seemed to crumple inwards a bit. The tears came then- she always inevitably cried then. "Yeah, I'm still single. Pathetic, I know.

"Sorry, no family genes passed on yet. I know you're very, very ashamed and all that-" Alison had always disapproved of her sarcasm, even before the word 'sarcasm' had been created. "-but, oh well. I just don't have the heart. I'm weird like that. 

"Anyways, while I'm here, I might as well tell you the really shitty news." Echo shook slightly, wiping the tears that streamed down her cheeks. "I think that the job I tried to do last time I was here is about to be fulfilled- this guy named 'Nameless' has my given name. I have that necklace that binds my powers on, but if I'm to participate in the fight... chances are I'll try to kill someone, and that someone will have no choice but to kill me." Her voice broke, but she continued talking, because if she stopped she wouldn't be able to go on. "I'm sorry, but it's a possibility. I hope that it doesn't come to that, because the only person able to kill me is Apollo. He's already had the unfortunate duty to fight me once in the last few days...

"I... I hope it doesn't come to that. Really, I do. But if it does... Goodbye. I love you. You and Penelope both." She smiled at the moon, the tears making the wind bite into her skin as though it could freeze the salty tears that seemed to like the cold very much. 

Echo took a step back, wiping her cheeks again, letting the salt gather on her fingertips- then paused. "By the way, since I'm going to die..." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Daphne Laurel." 

Like a magic spell, a sudden wave of calm washed over her. She might die tomorrow, or the next day. Hell, she might live. That, despite her wishes, was pretty much out of her hands. Echo- Daphne- Whoever she was, her story might end tomorrow.

And she was going with only one regret, but the empty space inside her that had spent itself when she confessed the thoughts she tried her best to keep to herself to her dead sister pretty much over-shadowed the thought she lived with since... almost before she could remember. 

Her hair was blown back again, and she smiled, letting her tears dry on her cheeks. Her arms stung from the freezing temperature, her breathing calmed, and she stayed a few minutes and tried not to rub her eyes- that would only show that she had been crying even more- then passed back through the trees to the camp. Hopefully, everyone was still asleep so they wouldn't think her a basket case for taking a walk in the dead of night.

--

1. The other languages Echo speaks are  languages are French, Spanish, Portuguese, and English. Random fun fact. 

2. A Two-Shot, this is. Watch out for "Drop-off," the counter-part. 

The Memorable, and the Not so Memorable Moments

Paula looked up, and met his eyes. "So, are you coming with us to the movies?"
Jesse looked back at her, his eyes huge for some reason. "Are you asking me on a date?"
Paula took a deep breathe, before letting it out as slowly as she could. "What? Which freaking planet are you from?! Hell no!"
Jesse blinked. "Oh."

"Vida es bien por chocando walls." Footstep declared.
"Shut up." Carolina groaned, rubbing her forehead.

"Life is not made of cuentas de hadas, you have to make of it what you can."
"Oh, really?" Warren flashed, and he was suddenly the cliche prince dude thing. The whole thing, poofy short sleeves, and billowy tunic, the flowing long velvet red cape, the crown, blablablablabla.
"You look like a total homophobe." Carolina said with a straight face.
"What a way to make things akward." Footstep and Warren said together, sighing.

"Jessica, my love!" He said, holding out some roses.
"She be mines nows." Zack snapped, crushing the flowers.
"Awwww." Genesis wailed.

"Misa-Misa talks in the third person!" Mackenzie added as Paula ran the straightener through her hair for the billionth time.
"Paula-Paula is going to sound like an idiot." She said icily.
"You already did." Austin said.
"Do not make me come over there." Paula growled, snapping the hair iron at him.

"Days like this make me want to cry." Paula grumbled, and then a rock hit her in the head. "I just never seem to be able to."

"Hello?!" She waved her hand in front of Kaylynn's face, but was ignored. "Trying to communicate here!"
Kaylynn ignored her, again.
"Damn stairways..." Paula said under her breath, giving up for the time being.

"Be not nobody, be somebody."
"And your advice sucks butt."
"I really hope not, cuz how would words do that?"
"... Gross dude."

"Que nos esperan." Footstep said, blinking and squinting.
"Where?" Pamela asked.
"Over there!" The horse pointed.
"Nope, are you... hallucinating??"
".... Damn Yellow Molds."

Phoebe sat down on her bone throne with a sigh. "This sucks."
"Really now?" Jondolar asked.
"Yeah, really, I am the only one who wasn't created by Paula. You guys get the cool creator, and I get the stupid one." The dark queen shook out her hair with annoyance. "He freakin' mixed up epilogue and prologue!"

And Buzz and Austin flew off to live in harmony forever-- but Edward wasn't finished yet.

"We can write a narrative."
"We can write a narrative?!"
"We can write a narrative!!" Kaylynn shouted.
"Holy shittake mushrooms of which I want to murder with pointy knives, we can!" Paula screamed and almost fainted.

"If you say Every Time We Touch is my theme song, I have a come back." Paula warned him.
"Okay, then Every Time We Touch is your theme." Austin said, looking as though he had won. Not so fast, insolent boy.
"I know, I meet up with my kick-ass, hot as hell boyfriend, Amigo every night. And then we madly make out until sunrise, and we watch the sun together, and it's so romantic." Paula added in a girly sigh to add on. "He's the best kisser."
Austin gawked openly, while Kaylynn said.
"Paula, you have a knack for making things awkward."

The Queen of Hell looked at her grudgingly. "You suck."

"Waifu, will you marry me?!"
"For the fifth time? Oh, Waifu! It's a dream come true!"

"Whats that question we always ask them? Oh right! Whats your favorite color?!"

"Damn you all."
"We know, we get that a lot." Paula winked. "But they mostly mean me."

There will be more to come... just watch out.

What I Have Learned

What I Have Learned
A short story starring just about every character that Paula has, including herself. The reporter? The Queen Garia the third and half, the queen of hell!

QG31/2: So, what have you learned?

Roxy: Bucking people off is fun! O.o

QG31/2: Okay then... what else?

Roxy: Hay is teh tasties!

QG31/2: Okay... next! What have you learned?

Jeremiah: The creator has some crazy idea that stabbing people is fun. People meaning me.

QG31/2: That sounds entertaining.

Jeremiah: It's not. Trust the stabbed.

QG31/2: ...Okay then. Next! What have you learned?

Warren: People falling on you HURTS.

QG31/2: That is to be expected I suppose.

Warren: She wasn't even all that heavy either.

QG31/2: Next! Oh, hi Amigo. What did you learn.

Amigo: Austin no le gusta nada.

QG31/2: No comprendo mucho espanol.

Amigo: Es tu problemo, no es mi problemo.

QG31/2: Okay then... next! Oh, hi Paula.

Paula: Hi.

QG31/2: So, what have you learned?

Paula: Ummm... why am I talking to thin air?

QG31/2: ...You suck. Next! Ah, hello there Jaeza.

Jaeza: Hi.

QG31/2: So, what have you learned?

Jaeza: Corny or honest?

QG31/2: Both, if you will.

Jaeza: Well, I learned not to give up and that Jamie is the best (Censored) ever.

QG31/2: Just let me censor that. Okay, next! Hello there Siobhan.

Siobhan: ...

QG31/2: What have you learned?

Siobhan: The voices... how they follow me...

QG31/2: Creeptacular! Anyway, that is about it. Oh, wait, Amigo has some advice before we leave.

Amigo: De vez en cuando, es buenlo para andar descalzo en la alameda.

QG31/2: And what does that mean?

Amigo: No hablo English. Me atrevo ayudenia, y tu? Te atrevas?

QG31/2: Nobody has any clue what you're saying, anyway, bye until next time!