WARNING: crack INFESTED, probably makes no sence, not even to KENYANS. This drabble does not protect against SUPER Herpies or anything of that sort... SNAKE EYES!!!
Previously that day Roy had been dragged over in chains, Ed had followed, laughing his ass off, Jesse had been drugged, Austin was being emo, House had come to get out of the clinic, and Cloud had been tricked into coming along with Sephiroth but nothing could have really prepared them for this.
“A manwash?” asked Jesse. “What’s that?”
“Some sort of contest?” questioned Cloud.
“mfffff!!”
“Shut up bastard,” said Ed between laughs. He still couldn’t really believe that the mighty Colonel Mustang had actually been chained up and dragged to this thing by two teenage girls. “Wait a sec a WHAT?”
“Manwash,” interjected House. “A sick idea born in the minds of two extremely deranged teenage girls that spend too much time on the computer.” Everyone looked at the creepy doctor with a weird look, “Basically they need lives.” A chorus of ‘ooh’ rang through the empty lot.
“They don’t actually expect us to stand here all day and wash cars do they?”
“Actually we do,” greeted Jessica, “hello boys…and Cloud.”
“Haha! Cloud you just got told!” said Jesse, trying to sound cool, but then the work began.
It was only thirty minutes into the Manwash when the managers had to step in and make some
cuts on the team.
“I’m sorry to have to do this to you Austin, but you’ve gotta go,”
“Okay.”
“I know that this must be heartbreaking for you Emo Austino, but really only certain people can pull off the emo thing, and honestly you just don’t cut it anymore,” explained Jessica.
“I said okay. I’m fine. Honestly I’m happy that I get to leave,” Austin replied and then left the food stand to join Buzz.
“You,” Mackenzie said pointing to Sephiroth, “You’re fired too.”
“But why? Cloud put you up to this didn’t he? Didn’t he!” he said in a monotone, taking out his sword and threatening to kill the two managers.
To this Mackenzie held up a Barbie doll, rendering him harmless and said, “Well, yes and no. But mainly it’s because you tried to kill everyone that didn’t want their car washed by you, and that’s a problem.”
Sephiroth then, in a very un-Sephiroth like manner, started to cry and left the establishment.
“Mackenzie?”
“Hn?”
“May I do the honors?”
“If you must Jess.”
“HEY BUTTFACE!!”
At this Xander turned around to face the two managers, “ITS XAN!’
“Whatever. YOU’RE FIRED!” Jessica and Mackenzie did a high-five as Xander waddled off and into the street where he got hit by another customer.
The day for the next few minutes passed normally. Roy, House, Cloud, L, and Jesse continued to wash the cars against their will, Ed managed the money at the cash register and snack bar, occasionally laughing at his commrads washing cars and trying to shoo off lingering boy scouts. Mackenzie and Jessica went around making sure everything ran smoothly.
Everything was calm until…
‘Wooh! Take It Off Boy!
Wooh! Take It Off Boy!
Wooh! Wooh! Wooh! Wooh! Wooh!
T-take It Off Boy!!’
Everyone turned in the direction of the blasting music and found Juliet driving up to the manwash in her new Porche convertible. She attempted to jump out of the car but at the last minute her shoe got stuck and she ended up face planting into the concrete, seconds later however she was up muttering a quick “I’m ok” and brushing herself off. Juliet then proceeded to walk around to the back of her car and open the trunk. Once the trunk was open, everyone watched in awe as Lukas jumped out and started to sing along with the song, waving to a few lingering Boy Scouts who then proceeded to run away.
Jessica ran over to Juliet and Lukas and gave each a hug.
“We brought another person for your manwash, and as long as you don’t use him on MY car, you can keep him.” Explained Juliet, Lukas opened up a briefcase and out popped Edward Cullen, sparkling in the morning sun.
“Look at me. I’M DIFFERENT!!” he screamed to everyone that would listen.
“Oh joy. Okay Sparkle-Butt, you stand over there on the corner and try to attract Twilight addicted fangirls to come into the wash, we could use more customers…” thought Jessica.
Suddenly there was a tap on Jessica’s shoulder and Mackenzie told her to turn around and then pointed to a car in the middle of the fray. Juliet stood on top of a car, somehow changed into a bathing suit, a whip in hand, screaming “WASH THESE CARS YOU SEXY BYTCHES!” At this, Jessica promptly fell to the ground laughing while everyone gave her weird looks, but needless to say everyone started to wash the cars.
Over at the snack bar a piece of candy was being stolen [Ed had fallen asleep], and the thief was making their way out of the parking lot when they were hit in the back of the head with a book. “Take that!” screamed Jesse, running up to them stealing the 50 cents out of their pocket that they owed the cashier and then taking the rest of the money and stuffing it into his pocket. The person was then left for dead on the ground.
While Jessica went off to clean up the mess Jesse had made, before the cops could show up, Mackenzie hit him over the head with a toaster and prayed to the gods of Jelly that Jesse would burn in a Jelly-like Hell.
Suddenly, while both managers were distracted an explosion was heard. Jessica stopped rolling the dead body and Mackenzie stopped lecturing Jesse, both turned around to see a smirking Roy. After being released from his chains the Flame Alchemist was sent to wash cars with everyone else, much to Ed’s amusement, and apparently, enough had been enough.
“Roy!! NO BLOWING UP THE CARS!!” shouted Mackenzie, waving her arms around in the air.
“Yeah, take the gloves off Mustang.” Roy shot Jessica a look when she demanded he take off his
gloves.
“So sexy when mad…” Mackenzie stated dreamily.
“Roy! I don’t care how sexy you look when you’re pissed off, but that’s not going to work this
time. You have to take off the gloves.”
While the manager and Jessica were trying to wrestle the gloves off of Roy’s hands another car
pulled up to the manwash.
“Hey boss. Who would’ve thought we’d see you here?”
“Ha, they actually came,” Ed snickered upon seeing who had driven up to a horror struck Roy.
“Hey Havoc, hey Fuery,” said Mackenzie, after coming out of her daze.
“Hey Fuery,” exclaimed Jessica, completely ignoring the smoker [he’s a scary person I tell
you!!].
“What the hell are you doing here Lieutenant?!”
“Don’t act so surprised boss. When we learned that you had disappeared from work we knew
that these two,” at this Havoc leveled a look at both managers, “dragged you somewhere against
your will or something.”
Mackenzie looked Havoc square in the eye, “Who said he was dragged against his will?”
Jessica tried to stifle her laughter, Roy’s eye began to twitch uncontrollably, Fuery paled and
Havoc lit another cigarette.
“Well if you’re just gonna sit there then get out,” said Jessica glaring at the chain-smoker.
“Nope, how much to get the boss to clean the car?” Roy paled.
House popped up in the back seat of the car [A/N: I don’t really know how either] and tried to
bargain with the two military men. The price was settled at $50 and Roy was sent to wash the
car.
“So, you guys came after all huh?”
“Well Ed, when we got you’re text we thought ‘why not?’”
“Wait, you put them up to this didn’t you Fullmetal?!”
“So what if I did, serves you right, bastard,” with that Ed walked back off to the snack bar and
Roy planed to get his revenge.
Meanwhile, Cloud was washing a car for Pamela when suddenly the suds on the ground started
to morph into the shape of a face. “Guys, come over here!” Cloud motioned to everyone working
there.
“Good job Cloud, you spoke! Now say ‘Yes Pam I will marry you’,” Pam’s attempt at making the
blond speak again was futile.
As everyone gathered around the car and looked at the ground Ed shouted at everyone to look
up at the electronic price displayer [A/N: I honestly don’t know what they’re called, but they
show the prices of things and they read messages and things].
“My daughter Elicia, who just turned three this year! Isn’t she adorable?!” read Jesse. “What
the hell?”
“Oh my god it’s a haunted empty parking lot!” screamed Fuery.
“Pull yourself together Fuery!” Roy shouted back.
Jessica thought for a second, “Wait a second that sounds like-”
“-Hughes.” Finished Mackenzie.
“WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?!” sobbed Jessica uncontrollably as she fell to the
ground.
Everyone stared at Jessica for a second and then left to go back to their previous jobs.
“Boss, I think you missed a spot,” observed Havoc.
“That’s ENOUGH!!” screamed Roy grabbing for Havoc and Fuery as they tried to escape into
the newly cleaned car, but Fuery wasn’t fast enough.
“What did I do Colonel?” cowered the fugitive.
“Nothing, but if I have suffer through this you do too.” Hence Fuery was dragged into the
manwash madness.
Action at the manwash was winding down to the dismay of Jessica and Mackenzie.
“This is getting ridiculous!” exclaimed Jessica and after quickly discussing the issue with
Mackenzie the two brought out a megaphone and decided to make an announcement.
“EVERYONE SHUT UP!!”
“Thanks Jess. ANYWAY! Molestation of ONE guy of your choice now for just five dollars. Tell
everyone you know. Also, now for just $2.50 you can buy POWERADE. With POWERADE you
can have 400 babies, just ask Roy!” Roy’s eye began to twitch and he pulled on a glove, “That
will be all.”
After the little announcement the parking lot was filled with people.
“Well Jessica it looks like we’ll have plenty of money in no time. Jess? Jessica? Where did she
go?” Mackenzie scratched her head.
“I think she’s over there,” said L motioning to a car.
Sitting in a new red convertible was a poorly disguised woman wearing a false mustache talking
to a terribly confused Jesse. “Yes for the extra $5 I’ll take that sexy looking man with the black
hair that like the set things on fire.”
“Uhhh, ok,” said Jesse as he walked over to Roy and tapped him on the shoulder then motioned
over to the car. Roy slowly walked over to the car.
‘What on Earth is she doing?’ thought Mackenzie as she watched Roy approach the vehicle.
Suddenly, Jessica grabbed Roy and dragged him into the car, preparing to drive off. “Oh HELL
NO!” screamed Mackenzie, telling L to look after the wash while she chased down the car.
Jessica’s escape plan didn’t actually work since the car ran out of gas only two blocks away from
where she had picked up the slightly pissed off [but sexy] Roy. Mackenzie then dragged the two
of them back to the manwash.
Once they got back Mackenzie gave Roy a hug saying an affectionate “Rape,” [A/N: Just go with
it] and shooed Jessica off.
Moments later House walked up to Mackenzie and gave her a five dollar bill, smiling in his own
creepy way. “Have fun Roy,” Mackenzie patted him on the back and ran off in the other
direction, Roy turned green and House frowned. Roy promptly gave the doctor his money back
and went to find a bathroom.
After getting a lecture from Mackenzie about not running off with Roy [she didn’t mention any of
the other boys] Jessica was set off to make sure nothing got out of hand again.
After dousing Roy in a bucket of water, dying Cloud’s hair pink [much to Pam’s dismay],
removing the graffiti picture of Elicia [that had mysteriously appeared] off the ground, putting
flowers in Ed’s hair, running away from Ed when he realized there were flowers in his hair, and
then failing to get internet access, Jessica was utterly bored. Mackenzie wasn’t faring much
better. After failing to get internet access, raping Roy, using all the battery up on her iPod, and
trying to get Jessica to calm down she was pretty tired too.
A motorcycle pulled up the manwash with two passengers the second one pulled off their helmet
to reveal Sephiroth, who then launched himself at Cloud and the two began an epic battle of epic-
ness. The driver the pulled off his helmet to reveal, “ZACK!!” and with that Jessica ran over to
the car [somehow changed into a bathing suit]. “I’ll wash it for you!” Zack gladly accepted and
Jessica began to wash the motorized bike.
Ed watched the display unhappily, and Mackenzie began to laugh at him. Roy then walked by
Zack and Jess and ‘accidentally’ the two fell onto the ground as the alchemist walked away.
“Oops. Sorry.”
When Ed was pretty sure that they were going to start molesting each other he walked over to
the motorcycle and replaced Jessica with House. He then walked off, dragging Jessica over to the
snack bar.
“Hah. Did the shorty feel threatened?” prodded Roy.
“I’m not short, I’m fun sized.” There was an awkward pause between the two alchemists. “Wait,
that didn’t come out right.” Jessica started to laugh uncontrollably at the pair’s discomfort and
the two shot her a disapproving look.
[A/N: And I don’t know how to end it so use your imagination for the rest!! XP]
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